Journal Nine

I remember actually seeing Finny's vision of peace but of course it wouldn't be my last." for hours, and sometimes for days, i fell without realizing it into private explanation of the world". What had deceived me was " my own happiness; for peace was indivisible. Ill never understand why we have wars or how they end. I didn't have any real sense of anything that was happening and that had happened. No real war could make Lepellier leave. I knew things were getting serious but i just couldn't understand. Its like my head became a blur. After we came back from Christmas break a recruiter from the United States ski team should us a presentation. Lepellier said we were " seeking a recognizable and friendly face to the war. Leper was still amazed at the movie even when it was over and the lights came on.

Journal Eight

"I can see i never should have left you alone", Phineas had told me. I  didn't understand why he was there. He asked me where i got my clothes. I dont remember if it was meant as an insult or not. Knowing him he was laughing within his head about it. I pulled off my sweater and underneath i was wearing a rain slicker, which i used to wear when i went sailing years before. Phineas just stood there and studied it. I wasn't sure if it was a good stare or bad. He actually told me he liked the cut of it. I was so surprised i lost my breathe. I pulled that off too and underneath i wore an army shirt. He looked at it and finally replied and said "very typical". He smiled at it for a while while he worked hard to get out of the chair. He told me i should have just wore the army shirt all day, i am not surprised he said that though. It felt weird to see him on crutches. I mean i saw him on them last year when he broke his ankle playing football but i never thought id see them again. He was very good at using them though being careful with every move he made. "In spite of everything, i had welcomed each new day as though it was a new life". I till this day try to do that.

Journal Seven

I remember Brinker Hadley come over to see me in late afternoon. I had already taken a shower to wash off the salt from the Naguamsett River."Going into Devon was like a refreshing shower itself".I remembered after i washed everything off my body i put a pair of chocolate brown slacks, a pair which Phineas never really liked. He used to criticized me when i wore them.When Brinker came in i noticed his gray suit, and his neck tie. He was very tall but he carried it very well. He had an athlete body but he wasn't one. He was more into politics. He was a very intelligent young man. He talked to me about how i had a big room all to myself and he didn't understand how i kept it so neat and clean. He asked me if the reason i picked Finny as a roommate was because i knew he wasn't coming back. I remembered my jaw dropped in awe. I wasn't expecting to hear these words coming out of Brinker's mouth. I was very confused. I remembered the words "Don't be nutty,Brinker" come out of my mouth. "Rest assured of that, my son, In our free democracy, even fighting for its life, the truth will come out". I will never forget those words and the serious look upon his face while he was speaking. His serious tone of voice and his arm resting on my shoulder still makes me shiver to this day when i think about it.

Journal Six

There was finally peace at Devon. Most things stayed the same in the summer with the calm air. fall didn't really touch the leaves on the trees yet. There was a few kids getting an education they didn't really want. The masters were in their places for once. Wives and children sat patiently in the church. Five of the younger teachers were missing, they had gone into the war. I remember Mr.Pike entering with his navy uniform. I remember his hopeless and mild face. he seemed almost lifeless. At Devon the traditions had been ruined or changed and the standards let down and of course the rules forgotten. "We thought of ourselves, of what Devon owed us, and what we had taken all of that and much more". I remembered my years at Devon all the moments. Some were good and of course some were bad. But like everything it still came to an end. I saw the last rays of sunlight on the tree where he fell. I replay that moment over and over again. They were trying to reinforce, of course i wasn't paying attention like i should have. "If you broke the rules, then they broke you" those words still remain locked in my head.

Journal Five

I remember we weren't allowed to be around the infirmary during the next few days. Although we weren't allowed near there i still heard rumors about what happened. "Eventually a fact emerged;it was one of his legs, which had been "shattered". I didn't know how to react to the situation it was like i was almost numb. I was right behind him when it happened i mean i was his room mate. His injury on the most part seemed deeper than anything that had happened during my years there. No one was even suspicious of me, no one even asked. Its like they already knew. I would have tried to defend myself but no one even accused me. I tried to spend as much time alone in our room as i could. It just wasn't the same without him there with me. "I put on his cordovan shoes, his pants, and i looked for and finally found his pick shirt". I didn't even know what i was doing, i was lost in my own mind. I didn't  know why? Was it guilt? or something else? I just dont know. I want him to heal i felt so lost without him. I just needed my friend back and i couldn't wait till he could walk again.

Journal Four.

I say dawn for the first time. It began as a strang gray thing not as the gorgeous fanfare over the ocean as i exspected. Phineas was still sleeping, I turned over and tried to fall asleep again but i couldnt. So layed down and watched the gray sky. The ocean began to perked a little from the reflection of these colored silvers in the sky. There was bright high lights shone on the tips of waves, and beneath the surface i saw a midnight green. The beach was dead and a spectral gray-white. Then finally it was totally white and stainless.
   Phineas woke up talking his words, " That was one of the best night sleeps iv ever had''. There was time for a short swim and before i finished my sentance he was running down the beach taking his clothes off as he ran. He jumped in the water and enjoyed his fast swim. Finny told me that i worked to hard with everything in school and out. ''Nobody at Devon had ever been so sure of graduationg then you are", is what he told me. "you want to be ahead of the class, so you can make a speech on graduation day". Those words keep replaying inside of my head. I thought it was a pretty well thought out goal to have, it was rational and it could happen if i did my best at everything i did.
  Finny wanted to reck my studies, maybe he was jealous or maybe he just didnt care. He always got Ds in every class and seemed to be okay with it. He was a very good athlete and was ahead of me in that i have to admitt. After this i had become an even better student, not like i wasnt before. Me and Chet Douglas never got along but for some reason we didnt bump heads as much and it began to make me feel better knowing we were okay and he wasnt just my biggest rival in the class anymore.

Journal Three

  I remember our club'' The super suicide society of the summer session". Finny had pretty much saved my life, but at the same time he almost lost it for me as well. "i wouldnt have been on the limb except for him, i wouldnt have turned around, and lost my balane, if he hadnt been there". Our club was a success from the start. We thought schools were supost to be combined with secret societies and underground brotherhoods. We met everynight to initiate the ''trainees''. Finny and I had to jump off the tree everytime to open the meeting.
  I hated it. Everytime the limb seemed like it was getting higher and higher and thinner and thinner. The water seemed deaperand harder to reach. I always jumped though, i didnt want to loose face with Phineas. Iv never missed a meeting, i never wanted to go but i didnt want to addmit it. I remembered the words ''Never say you are five feet nine when you are five feet eight and a half''. Everyone always wins at sports when you play a game you're a winner. Finny never premitted himself to realize that when you won they lost. Nothing bad had ever happened in sports, they were absolute good. He was discusted in the summer athletic program. I rememered as i walked out on the field, it was green and completly empty. The tenis courts were full, the softball dimand was was completly busy. I remember seeing Finny walking slowly towards the tower, perhaps he was thinking that we might carry it the rest of the way to the river and throw it away. He stood bouncing the medicine ball enjoying the feel of it, "All you really need is a round ball".

Journal Two

The following morning our absence from dinner was noticed. Mr. Prud'homme stopped by our door. He had broad shoulders, and he wore a gray business suit. He had inforced the rules and well missing dinner was one of them. Finny tried to explain to them that we had been swimming in the river and that there had been a wrestleing match as well. I remembered his words ''If you hadnt already missed nine meals in the last two weeks''. I remembered the disipointed look upon his face. Finny began to tell him what really happened. " The real reason sir,was that we just had to jump off a tree. He tried to explain that they had to because they were getting ready for the war.
   He was saying that he was worried that the drafting age could be lowered to seventeen and him and i would be that age by the end of the summer. Finny had even looked at it from a sexual point of veiw as well. I rememered how wild and careless we were then. I mean we were sixteen year old boys. Phineas was surprisingly unconcerned about the war. It never seemed to affect him in any way. I remembered that summer perfectly.

Journal One.

  Today i went back to my old highschool called Devon School. I havnt been to the school in fifteen years and yet everything started to come back to me. The walls were polished the floors clean. And the school was all glossy. I didnt like that to much. The school seemed to be almost like a museum. The school seemed so lifeless its like when i was there it was alive and now that im gone its dead. I could feel the fear i used to have running through my veins as it did when i was in Devon School.
  I went to see a few places after i had lunch. i walked down Gilman Street, ''The houses were as handsome and unusual as i remembered''.  I never really saw anyone go in and out of them. They seemed to almost be fake. i started to remember the tree and the memories he and his friuends made there. I remembered finny, he was one of my bestfriends then. His words replay in my mind. "its you pal'' ''just you and me''. I remembered the school during the summer, only about 200 kids where there during that time. I walked passed the first academy building. The lights were so dim and almost lifeless. The light could only be seen from a few of the many windows in the building. I remembered everything like it happened only yesterday.